The Gingerbread Zim
by Kappy
Summary: Gingerbread men are the answer to world domination.


A/N: I like GIR.  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Where'd I get this computer?  
  
  
The Gingerbread Zim  
  
  
  
"Ooooo."  
  
"Oooooooooo."  
  
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
"GIR! Stop watching the tellie-vision thing and shut up! I'm trying to work on my latest experiment," screeched Zim from the lower lab level. Zim watched the opening to the ground level for a few moments, and then turned around and back to his utensils.  
  
"OOOOOOooooOOOOoaaaaaaaaaaaaaoooOOOO!"  
  
Zim growled but didn't say anything. Zim bent over until the object on the metallic table was eye level and prodded it with an "Iron Prodding Stick ©." The object just startled to crumble.  
  
"What is this thing?" asked Zim, confused. Zim scratched his green, bald head. "I saw the dirt humans buy these things, they seemed so happy seeing it. If I could only find the technology within this item, I could use it to my advantage."  
  
After prodding it some more, Zim screamed hopelessly.  
  
"Computer! Analyze substances within object and find the origin."  
  
"Processing, PROCESSING! It is a gingerbread man. Contains ginger, bread, and man. The ginger plant originates from southeastern Asia. By legend, the first gingerbread man was made by Queen Elizabeth 1st of England. Gi-" processed the Computer.  
  
"Ok, Computer, that is enough," said Zim looking at the cookie with interest. "So, this cookie is well loved by humans, is it? Muahahaha-"  
  
"Affirmative," said the Computer.  
  
"Do not interrupt my evil laughter Computer," screamed Zim. "Now, where was I? Oh, Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha," said Zim taking a large gulp of air and gasping, "hahahahahahahahahahahaha!"  
  
Zim then sat down at his chair and said nothing.  
  
***  
  
GIR watched the television, two inches from the screen.  
  
"VROOM!" squealed GIR as the racecars past the screen. GIR slammed his head against the screen, trying to get into the T.V.  
  
"Oh, I wanna play with the cars!" whined GIR.  
  
The lid of the toilet lifted and GIR turned his head to the noise of the lid hitting the wall.  
  
"Master?" asked GIR.  
  
Mist bellowed out of the opening of the toilet, obscuring the view of the little robot and the entire room. A shadow developed in the mist, taking the shape of a tall being.  
  
"…Master?" whispered GIR, terrified now.  
  
The shape continued to clear until the mist disappeared and all that was left was a man. A gingerbread man.  
  
"MASTER! There's someone in the house, Aahhhhhhhhh!" screamed GIR, running around in circles.  
  
"Be quite, GIR, it is your master: ZIM!" cried the gingerbread man in Zim's voice.  
  
"Oh, ok," said GIR sitting down back in front of the television.  
  
"Don't you see GIR? The human dirt race loves gingerbread men, when they see me walking down the street, they will love me and have me as their ruler! I won't even have to kill any of them," said Zim, then after thinking a moment, "Well, all except Dib, possibly."  
  
"Vr-OOOOOOOM!" screamed GIR raising his arms in the air.  
  
"That's the spirit, GIR, now let's go out there and take over the world!" cried Zim pointing at the front door with a stumpy, gingerbready arm. Zim grabbed GIR and waddled out the door.  
  
***  
  
"GAAAAAAZ! Please help me down! I'm STUCK!" cried Dib, hanging onto the top of the Christmas tree for dear life.  
  
"That's what you get for trying to put the star on the tree this year when it wasn't your turn," said Gaz, sucking on a candy cane, walking out the door.  
  
Dib clung onto the pine-needled branch for a few more moments until the tree lost it's top-heavy capacity and he fell to the ground with a large THUMP.  
  
"Ow," said Dib, rubbing his butt.  
  
Dib looked out the window and almost fainted. A large, sugary gingerbread man was walking down the sidewalk.  
  
"I never knew that childhood tale was based on fact…"said Dib, watching the cookie walk out of view.  
  
Dib shook his head and ran to his father's lab in the 'guest bedroom'.  
  
"DAD! The-the gingerbread man! He's walking down the street!" gasped Dib, trying to catch his breath.  
  
"That's nice, son," said Professor Membrane, his goggles shinning from the torch he was holding out in front of him.  
  
"But….but DAD! The gingerbread man is running away!" said Dib exasperated from not being heard.  
  
"That's nice, son. Now run along like a good little boy and leave me to my studies," said Membrane, waving his hand towards the door.  
  
Dib hung his overly large head and sighed. He solemnly walked out of the room.  
  
"You know what? I don't need Dad! Now, all I need is my camera and anti-depressant medicine!" said Dib merrily as he ran to his room.  
  
***  
  
"GIR! We're almost into town, get your costume on!" cried the gingerbread Zim.  
  
"Okie dokie!" said GIR smiling. GIR stopped skipping and picked up his costume. GIR slipped on the reindeer suit and zipped it over his head. It then placed the little antlers on top of its metal, costumed head. It then stuck a little red bulb on its place-where-there-would-be-a-nose. The bulb started to blink on and off a cherry glow around its head.  
  
"I'm Rudolph!" cried GIR, happily.  
  
Zim looked helplessly at GIR, "Yes, yes, now get going! We don't have a moment to lose! I want to take over the world as quickly as I can, this suit is really scratchy!"   
  
Zim began to waddle towards the town with GIR trotting right behind him.  
  
***  
  
Dib hustled as fast as he could. As he bounced up and down he could see the top of a gingerbread man's head at the top of the hill he was climbing.  
  
"I've got you now, Gingerbread Man!" yelled Dib.  
  
He ran harder as he got closer and closer to the waddling cookie of doom.  
  
***  
  
"Here we are, GIR! Now, the humans should be coming and bending to my every whim any moment," said Zim putting his gingerbread arms on his gingerbread hips.  
  
"Yay, I'm Rudolph!" said GIR running around in the streets.  
  
"Look, son, a huge gingerbread man!" said a mother walking with her son down the sidewalk.  
  
"Wow, mommy, can I eat it?!" said the boy, drooling.  
  
"I don't see why not!" said the mother nearing closer to the gingerbread man named Zim.  
  
"I see you are overwhelmed by my gingerbread manly powers! Now, bow before the Great ZIM!" cried Zim, putting his gingerbread hands into fists.  
  
The little boy and mother stared at the gingerbread man.  
  
"I want to eat his head!" cried the boy, lunging for Zim.  
  
"AHHHH!" cried Zim, jumping back in time to avoid the head-eating boy.  
  
More people walking on the sidewalks and people within stores came out and started to look hungrily at the oversized gingerbread man.  
  
"Uh-um, lower your eyes you lower species! I am far more powerful than any of you put together! Now…stop poking me… Hey! That was my femur, put it back! Ow, owwww!" shrieked Zim, running away.  
  
***  
  
Zim turned around and started to run full speed when he ran smack into Dib. Dib was thrown five meters back from the gingerbread goodness that was Zim and Zim shook his head to get his bearings straight.  
  
"How dare you run into the Mighty ZIM!" cried Zim trying to get up from his back.  
  
"Zim?!" screamed Dib, "That's you?"  
  
"Yes it's me," said Zim, still trying to get up.  
  
"What are you doing in a gingerbread man costume?" asked Dib, watching Zim squirm around on the ground. "…You can't get up, can you?"  
  
"Fool! Zim can get up…he just does not want to!" reasoned Zim, eyeing the people that were nearing closer to him.  
  
"You need help, don't you," said Dib, crossing his arms.  
  
"NO!" yelled Zim. The people's hands and mouths came ever closer. "I mean, yes?"  
  
"Well, TOO BAD!" shouted Dib going into fits of laughter. Wiping a tear from his eye, Dib said, "See you later, Zim…or maybe not!"  
  
Zim looked helplessly at the people surrounding him.  
  
"GIR! Save your master!" screamed Zim as people began to pick away at his cookie self. Zim waited a while, waiting for GIR to come and get him.  
  
"GIR?" asked Zim meekly.  
  
***  
  
In the distance, a sleigh and nine little reindeer flew in the sky. A jolly ol' man sat in the sleigh, with a sack of gifts for all the good little girls and boys.  
  
The great bowl of jelly cried into the night, "Merry Christmas to ALL!"  
  
And a little blinky-nosed robot at the front of the sleigh yelled at the top of its lungs, "AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!" 


End file.
